do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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