just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
