did you get engaged???
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
