as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
