If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
