You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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