he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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