After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
