I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Let's paint friendship bongs
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
