so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
