and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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