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• (212): View more from New York

  her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum

  (212): View more from New York

  i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls

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• (818): View more from California

  I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...

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• (917): View more from New York City

  It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.

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• (076): View more from

  He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night

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• (936): View more from Texas

  Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?

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