He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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