i used baking grease as lip gloss
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
