I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
