I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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