how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
