I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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