my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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