In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
