Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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