So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
please come you make the beer taste better
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
