Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
