Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
