For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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