she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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