sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
