Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
