I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
