Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
