I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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