If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
