Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
