just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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