He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
