I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
