ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My ass is underappreciated
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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