Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
