you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
