It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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