i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
