if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
