Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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