did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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