im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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