before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
