i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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