I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
