so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
