If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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