So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
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Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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