I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
