I think i sorta joined a cult last night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
