I'm lost and stupid without you.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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