Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
