If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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