i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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