you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
