I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
