took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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