she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
