please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
